Postpartum Rage: What It Is, Why It Happens, and How Therapy Can Help
Postpartum rage is one of the most misunderstood and least talked about postpartum experiences. In fact, when I name the experience with postpartum women they are often taken aback to hear that others have experienced this too, and that there’s a name for it. While postpartum depression and anxiety are starting to get more attention in recent years, rage still sits in the shadows. Many new moms feel intense, overwhelming anger in the weeks or months after giving birth and have no idea it can be a symptom of postpartum mood disorders.
Surprising to many, irritation and anger can be signs of depression. Postpartum rage is not just “being cranky” or “having a short fuse.” It is a sudden, powerful wave of anger that rises quickly and often feels disproportionate to the situation at hand. It can be scary, especially if you do not usually think of yourself as “an angry person.”
If you have felt this, before you read further, I need you to hear: you are not broken and you are not alone. You are not a bad mom. Postpartum rage is a sign that something in your mind, body, or environment needs attention, and it is absolutely worth addressing.
One reason postpartum rage is rarely discussed is because women are often conditioned from a young age to downplay, dismiss, or hide anger. Many of us learned as girls that being “nice,” “sweet,” and “easygoing” was rewarded, while expressing frustration or assertiveness was punished or ignored.
Why We Don’t Talk About Postpartum Rage
One reason postpartum rage is rarely discussed is because women are often conditioned from a young age to downplay, dismiss, or hide anger. Many of us learned as girls that being “nice,” “sweet,” and “easygoing” was rewarded, while expressing frustration or assertiveness was punished or ignored.
This means by adulthood (especially in the postpartum period where we feel vulnerable and in need of help), anger can feel unfamiliar. When it does surface, especially as an intense wave, it can feel alarming, shameful, or dangerous.
Add in the pressure to appear like you are “loving every moment” of new motherhood, and you have the perfect recipe for silence around postpartum rage.
Why Postpartum Rage Happens
Postpartum rage can be influenced by many factors, including:
Hormonal changes after birth
Sleep deprivation that pushes your nervous system into a constant state of survival mode
Physical recovery from pregnancy and delivery, which is often underestimated
Overwhelm from the demands of caring for a newborn
Unmet needs for support, rest, connection, or personal time
Relationship stress with partners, family, or friends
Past trauma that is reactivated during the vulnerable postpartum period
Sometimes postpartum rage is part of postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. Other times, it appears more as its own pattern, triggered by exhaustion, feeling unseen, or being pushed beyond capacity.
Coping With a Wave of Postpartum Rage
If you are in the middle of postpartum rage, you cannot talk yourself out of it with logic alone. Your brain and body are flooded. The first step is to create space between the feeling and your response.
Here is a framework you can try when you feel rage rising:
1. Acknowledge it
Name what is happening without judgment: “I am feeling a huge wave of anger right now.” This helps you step out of autopilot.
2. Ground yourself
Use grounding techniques to return to the present. This could mean placing both feet on the floor, pressing your hands into a solid surface, or taking five slow, deep breaths. You are not trying to erase the anger, you’re just trying to make a little space so you can respond in line with your values.
3. Choose your next step
Once you have a bit of distance, you can decide what to do next. That might mean taking a break, asking for help, expressing your needs, or channeling the energy into a healthy outlet.
It Is Okay to Express Anger
Anger itself is not dangerous. Anger is information. It tells you that something feels wrong, unfair, or overwhelming. The goal is not to erase your anger but to express it in ways that feel safe and constructive.
Here are some sentence stems to help communicate unmet expectations or needs to a partner, friend, or family member:
“I feel ___ when you ___ because ___. I need __. Can you support me in that?”
“When ___ happens, I feel ___. What I need instead is ___.”
“I am feeling really overwhelmed right now and need a break so I can calm down.”
This shifts the focus from blame to clarity, making it easier for others to understand and respond.
Prioritizing Your Needs in the Postpartum Period
One of the biggest contributors to postpartum rage is the reality that all focus tends to shift to the baby after birth, often at the expense of the mother’s needs. Think about it: during pregnancy, you likely had multiple medical appointments every month. After delivery, many women hear, “See you in six weeks,” from their providers… and that’s it.
Your needs matter just as much as your baby’s. They are not an afterthought. In fact, meeting your own needs is essential for your ability to care for your child.
Some ways to prioritize yourself:
Schedule regular breaks from baby care, even if short
Ask for help with household tasks, meals, or errands
Rest whenever possible (even if it is not sleep)
Eat regularly and stay hydrated
Do something enjoyable that is just for you each day
Get Curious About Your Anger
Instead of trying to push it away, try exploring what your anger might be telling you:
When does it show up? Are there patterns in time of day or situations?
How does your physical state (sleep, nutrition, pain, recovery) impact it?
Have you ever felt this type of anger before in your life?
Are there boundaries that need to be set or reinforced?
By tracking your triggers and patterns, you can work to identify root causes and make changes that reduce the frequency and intensity of this overwhelming rage.
Therapy for Postpartum Mood Disorders and Postpartum Rage
If postpartum rage is interfering with your daily life, your relationships, or your sense of self, therapy can make a significant difference.
A therapist trained in perinatal mental health understands the unique challenges and vulnerabilities of the postpartum period. They can help you:
Recognize postpartum rage as a legitimate experience, not a personal failing
Identify triggers and patterns
Learn grounding and emotional regulation skills
Process underlying grief, trauma, or unmet needs
Build communication skills for expressing needs to partners, family, and friends
Reconnect with your identity outside of motherhood
Not all therapists are trained in perinatal mental health. Look for someone who is a Perinatal Mental Health Certified (PMH-C) provider, which means they have specialized training in supporting women during pregnancy and postpartum. This expertise ensures your therapist understands the biological, psychological, and social factors impacting you right now.
How Therapy Intensives Can Help
Sometimes weekly therapy is not enough or even logistically possible during the postpartum period and during motherhood. When you are dealing with intense symptoms and need relief sooner rather than later, you may find that weekly therapy doesn’t help move the needle quickly enough. Therapy intensives offer a focused, extended block of time to dig deeper into what is going on, learn tools, and start creating meaningful change.
In a grief or postpartum-focused intensive, you might spend several hours in a single day (or over a couple of days) with your therapist. This allows you to process more in a shorter timeframe, address multiple layers of your experience, and walk away with clear strategies for moving forward.
For some women, an intensive jump-starts their healing and reduces the overwhelm of waiting week after week for progress. For others, it is a powerful reset after months of feeling stuck.
You Are Not Alone
Postpartum rage can feel isolating, but it is far more common than most people realize. Feeling angry does not mean you love your baby any less. It means your mind and body are waving a flag that something needs attention.
With the right support, postpartum rage is absolutely treatable. You can learn to understand your anger, express it in healthy ways, and create a postpartum experience that honors both your needs and your role as a mother.
If you are in Washington State and struggling with postpartum rage, depression, or anxiety, I can help. I am a licensed mental health therapist and Perinatal Mental Health Certified provider offering in-person therapy in Gig Harbor and virtual therapy throughout Washington. I also provide therapy intensives for women who want to jump-start their healing.
You do not have to manage this alone. Schedule a free consultation today and let’s take the first step together.
